6 years.... wow!

It is hard for me to believe that Cody and I have really been married 6 years. I can honestly say that it has flown by way fast. It feels like it was just yesterday that we were two college kids flirting in a math class. Who would have thought that we would have ended up getting married. :) I don't generally talk much about Cody and I's personal life on our blog mostly because I set this blog up as a way for family to get to see pictures of Maddy and the progress that she makes in her life. However, I am going to stray from this and talk about my husband. On December 6th, it was Cody and I's 6 year anniversary. I guess you can say that things have changed for us ever since little Madison came along because things just didn't work out for us to do anything for our anniversary. It seemed like every time we tried to set something up, something came up. I have to admit that in true women form, I got angry at Cody and came to the conclusion that he must not love me and that the fire was gone out of our marriage. I am ashamed to say now that I ended up sending him a nasty email and pulling up everything that he had done wrong over that last year and sending it to him. ( I know, it is kind of comical now that I look back on it and how stereotypical it was) I knew that I had made a mistake as soon as I sent it. I ended up really hurting his feelings and apologizing profusely, but the damage was already done. He kept telling me over and over again that the fire was not gone out of our marriage that it was just a different kind of love, not until I got off the phone with him did I realize that he was absolutely right. The first thing that came to my mind was this poem that I found in an old chest of mine when we moved, it is called After a While, sorry it is kind of long but I wanted to post it.

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and sharing a life.
And you learn that love doesn't mean possession and company doesn't mean security and loneliness is universal. And you learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises.
And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of a woman, and not the grief of a child. And you learn to build your hope on today as the future has a way of falling apart mid-flight because tomorrow's ground can be too uncertain for plans; yet each step taken in a new direction creates a path toward the promise of a brighter dawn. And you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So plant your own garden and nourish your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that love, true love, always has joys and sorrows, seems ever present yet is never quite the same, becoming more than love, and less than love, so difficult to define. And you learn that through it all you really can endure, that you really are strong, that you really have value and you learn and grow..... With every goodbye you learn.
-Anonymous-

I had been holding on to this poem since high school, and it suddenly made sense. I kept reading the following line over and over again. "And you learn that love, true love, always has joys and sorrows, seems ever present yet is never quite the same, becoming more than love, and less than love, so difficult to define. " I felt like such an idiot. He was absolutely right. Maybe we don't have that same butterflies in your stomach love we used to have, we have a better love. We have a deeper love that takes time to develop, a love that comes from years of sharing lots of "joys and sorrows" together. I am so sorry Cody. Love is not shown by buying someone a present, it is shown every day in how we treat each other. Like I had said earlier, Cody and I keep our personal life pretty private so I am not sure that anyone was really aware why we moved to Ogden, it was so that we could get into a cheaper house so that I could stay home with our baby. Cody made such a huge sacrifice for our family. He is now working a ton of hours, and he gave up pretty much all of his personal possessions for Maddy and I. How could I have ever doubted my husbands love. I feel so foolish now. What better way to show someone that you love them then to sacrifice everything you hold dear. Cody, I am so sorry that I ever doubted how you felt. You are such an amazing man. You have grown so much since the day I married you. I love you so much. You are my best friend and I can't imagine a better person to spend forever with.